Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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