Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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