what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
