the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
