I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
