Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
