new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
