hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize