Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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