you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
