everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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