he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
