so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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