I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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