The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
