Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have aggressive nipples.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
