Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
