would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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