Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
