I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
