Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
