38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
