If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
