I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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