I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
