Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
