my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
