hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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