A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
