he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
