thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
