Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hippo gnu deer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
