I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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