haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
