Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
