Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
