dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
