I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
