i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
