I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
