u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
