I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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