Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
