Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
