dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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