he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
