I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
