I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I feel great
I just peed on a car
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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