sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
