we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's Friday. Sex?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
