Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize