So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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