The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize