I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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