All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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