Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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