omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
