Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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