someone owes me an orgasm
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
