beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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