$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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