totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
