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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
