i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
