I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we made out on top of his cat.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
