You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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