saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
