So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
