dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
