Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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