I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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