that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My life is pants optional.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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