The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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