I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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