Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My penis needs a shock collar
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize