No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize