You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
