you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
