I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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