I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
