You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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