she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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