Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
