oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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