The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think a kid would responsible me up
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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