Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
