my being single is dangerous.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
