Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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