i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
