I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
