She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can't put those talents on a resume
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
